so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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