you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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