I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize