Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
