i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
