It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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