Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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