Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
a search helicopter?!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
