So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Randomize
