I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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