I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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