I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
