Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
