My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize