Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I want a musical about memes.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
