mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
