I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize