I wish life had little blips of pornography
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
