I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
