did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
