You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
