I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
