Whod you bang
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
