took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
