everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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