and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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