bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
