We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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