guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
