Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
