Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
