I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
