I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
