final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
