I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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