He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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