K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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