It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize