If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
