I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
