Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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