I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize