Christians are straight up FREAKS
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
