your parents love me but you hate me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
