He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
