Are we in a gay sports bar?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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