oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Randomize
