I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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