he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
