god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
