I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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