Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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