shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
