I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
