My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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