happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
