i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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