he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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