He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
