If i come over, it means nothing
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
