hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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