We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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