He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
