now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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