at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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