you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
