You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
