You just made me feel so damn special
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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