I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
