Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It was confusing and full of hummus
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
