I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
