what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
