you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
