Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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