I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
