ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he thought i was a dude.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
