Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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