If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
nutella sex= disaster
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
