So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
