i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
