it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
