so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
