I showed him my bush... on skype.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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