Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
