The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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