Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
