Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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