He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
