btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
