I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
