She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
