Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Operation Purity has been aborted
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
