Your tits are I can't wait for
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
