Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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