There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
