The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize