So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
