i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize