ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
