Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize