if you like me you must not know who I am
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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