finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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