I love black thongs
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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