my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
