Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
