This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
