1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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