i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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