I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
