They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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